Assassins impress me… Not the killing part… But that they managed to fit the word ass in it not once, but twice.
does cheese think the moon is made of humans
The moment when you realize you’ve eaten all the buttery yellow pieces of popcorn and you’re left with a bowl of plain white popcorn and disappointment.
I feel bad for the smaller slices of pizza because they’re hardly ever anyone’s first choice. I bet they start to feel pretty down about themselves.
I just realized why parents say “Here comes the train” when mouth feeding their children….
Because they’re going to chew chew
dragons can literally never blow out candles that is so sad
what if you found a drunk alien on the side of the road. like where do you drive it to take it home
running backwards would be a lot easier if your feet were the other way around